Half-Assed Homemaker

I picked some cherry tomatos and put out a big bowl of them at the office. A sign taped to it reads:

Eat some now
Take some home
Don't be shy,
take the last one.
Lycopene is your friend

Me: (Via Email) I live in [building and office number]. It's very cold in here, I can stand it but the penguins tend to collect here and they leave quite a mess. Can you ask one of the kind HVAC technicians to take a look at the ducts and vents and elves that control the temperature in my office?

Kind HVAC technician: [facilities representative] said something about penguins?

I keep a cloth towel in my office and dry my hands when I get back from washing them. On one such jaunts, I saw my manager with the new guy, it's his first day. He remembered me, greeted me and extended his hand. Holding my hands up I said "I just washed my hands and I need to go dry them first."

New Guy: "Well it's nice to see you too."

Ring Ring

T : I want to go to Ben's.
Me: Ben's is closed on Sunday.

T : Whaa?
Me: But Good Karma is open.

T : I haven't been there in a while.

Intermission

Me: Good Karma appears to be closed too. How about Vegetarian House.?
T : What kind of place is it?

Me: Slightly cultish.
T : I don't know... I wanted something Asian.
Me: It is Asian.

Intermission

T : Why haven't you brought me here before!?
Me: Supreme Master Ching Hai comes into our lives when we are ready and not a moment sooner.

Pane 1:
C : So, Whatcha got going on tonight?
Me: Going to a gallery opening.

Pane 2
C : That should be fun.
Me: Yeah, they'll be drinks and random people. Not that you really care what the answer is, you're clearly asking because you are married, so married and want our answers ORed together be equal to 1.

Intermission

Pane 3:
C : Well I gotta ask, how's the lady situation?
Me: I believe we discussed the problem with these questions earlier. I was a little out of line but rather clear.

I actually made one of those statements.

I got off the plane after my (very)red eye at JFK airport. Realizing Jetblue has WiFi in their terminal I sat down to consume some bandwidth. I sat next to a flight attendant and plugged my phone charger into the outlet next to hers, she smiled. "Nomads", I smiled back. I wandered around trying to find transit. I found the AirTrain which rocks by the way. It whirls you around the airport and then to Jamaica station in under 15 minutes, sweet. On the subway I spoke to someone with a backpack. I noticed a sleeping pad strapped to it "are you camping or staying at a really bad hotel?" I speak from experience on choice B. Choice A in town for a prewedding camping trip. A while later we arrived at my connecting stop in the middle of her sentence, "bye." The six took me to Grand Central. I bought my ticket north and noticed there was time before the next train out, coffee! Walk!

Drinking hot coffee on a balmy August Manhattan morning isn't so easy, unless it's from Dunkin Donuts. I got my coffee and wandered for a few blocks, walking and gawking. This is the my first time arriving in NY alone. Accompanied or not, I usually am met by parents at the airport and Long Island is the first stop. This time I am free to soak it all in, the familarity of New York and the city are both happening at once now.

I'm now on the Metro North train. Riding along the Hudson river. I'm taking in the sites, watching the old world river side industry remains, wishing the train was half as fast.

I got off the train at Beacon, my first destination/detour. Is it wrong to photograph a building you consider to be a work of art if the building houses a museum that forbits photography of the art? If it is, then I don't want to be right. I visited Dia: Beacon, an amazing museum housed in an old factory. Two hundred and forty thousand square feet of magical naturally lit generously spaced modern art. It was a feast.



I waited at the train with an anarchist kid. He said he wanted to get a paper but couldn't find a machine on the platform, in that complaining way. I don't have a whole lot against anarchist kids, we have a lot of beliefs in common but they complain a lot. Confused by his choice of equipment, I told him papers are free right there. One of the greatest innovations of the Metro Transit Authority are bins solely for newspaper. Why buy old news in the middle of the afternoon, it's already been consumed fresh by the morning commuters. He offered me some, I read an article on public art, it mentioned an exhibit that I forgot to go see. He was smoking a tobacco pipe to see how socially acceptable it would to light up a pipe in public. Apparently he's never seen an old man, or Popeye.

After I got to my hostel, I caught up on some sleep. I woke up and ate some rice that was left over from dinner, I just wanted something hot. I met the hostel owner's parents. They needed to check ebay real bad and the hostel computer was angry at the network. My powerbook victorious, I offered the use of it's browser. The second his fingers touched the keys he was gone. I talked to his wife while he surfed, old lady's love me. It must be all the dark hair that they miss.

I walked to a bar to check out some music. It was a cheap man's dream. I got there before there was a cover and at the end of happy hour, two for one. I sat down with my beers on a velvet couch and watched all the people and the bands. The second one was sucking and then someone spilled half of my beer into my lap. I moved over from the wet spot and waited out the next song. I wandered by a pizza placed and asked one of the employees out side if they sold pizza by the slice. "No, we only sell whole pies." I've been away too long because he was shitting me and I believed him. It was huge and good.

The wedding was fun. Manhattan with Travis and Misha the next day, we walked her ragged. Another day with Travis followed in Long Island; parents, bagels, beach.

Saying "I'll be dog gone" in a prospector-like raspy gentle howl, kind of like the guy from the Bevery Hillbillies. But while I say the words "dog" and "gone", I will slap my hands together while raising up an ankle and then slapping my foot during each respective word. Get it? I'd be slapping my hand while saying dog, not slapping my foot which could also be known as a dog (of course not as commonly as its plural).

The word "dog" and it's namesake body part are misplaced; GONE.

Many VoIP customers will be disconnected on Monday due to an FCC ordered action that Yahoo says "could create a situation where some VoIP users suddenly find themselves with no phone service at all during an emergency rather than a functioning phone with inferior 911 service." Customers will be disconnected if they have not replied to a "notice about 911 risks." The TV Movie business is salivating.

Someone has been stealing from me. The culprits are the hose bibs that dot my house. One at the front and one at the back for garden hoses and the two for the washing machine. Yeah I've caught them in the act, sneaking drops of water that should be going to good use in the garden or to clean my clothes.

I took care of them though. They've been eliminated. I replaced them with a more honest bunch. It was a process though, I had to shut of the main water valve. I bought a meter key but it was still a tough job, it was good and stuck. The meter key is a a big T shaped thing with a little groove at the bottom which fits over the valve knob thing. Of course it fit rather loosely and kept slipping off so a conscientious meter key operator feels the need to push down and turn which does not work.

Soren helped me out, he threw some weight into in while I held it on the valve. Thanks Soren!